I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
