Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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