peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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