Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
