the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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