I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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