You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
