Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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