i think i have two assholes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
