Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
