Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.