Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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