You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No subtext here. People are naked.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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