Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
should my penis look like a turkey
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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