We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
