i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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