woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize