Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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