so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
