We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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