how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
