I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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