Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Im part way to drunk.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
