Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
