I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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