Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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