I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
