God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
