did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
