Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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