I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
