The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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