anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
