I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
