just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
