I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
