I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
