just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
