pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
