Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
