Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
