last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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