I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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