Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
