The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
