Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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