I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
