dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
