I'm really into asian looking animals
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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