Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
