Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
