Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
