So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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