you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
