all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They are going to name an STD after you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.