Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun

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(908): I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun http://tfl.nu/9z1c

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.

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(250): I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can. http://tfl.nu/1tw1

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(480): View more from Arizona

This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.

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(480): This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner. http://tfl.nu/bzec

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(310): View more from California

It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...

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(310): It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass... http://tfl.nu/egbe

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.

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(604): Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap. http://tfl.nu/0qce

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(773): View more from Illinois

She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in

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(773): She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in http://tfl.nu/bue7

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...

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(215): I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day... http://tfl.nu/n3yk

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(650): View more from California

Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.

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(650): Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right. http://tfl.nu/x2bs

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(386): View more from Florida

And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur

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(386): And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur http://tfl.nu/llqd

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(402): View more from Nebraska

He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.

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(402): He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it. http://tfl.nu/81z6

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(949): View more from California

I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.

(702): View more from Nevada

It's like the whiskey god was watching over you

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(949): I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id. (702): It's like the whiskey god was watching over you http://tfl.nu/wgp4

Replies (7) Good night (3181) Bad night (489)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...

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(412): Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion... http://tfl.nu/ll4v

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(913): View more from Kansas

driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup

(868): View more from Trinidad and Tobago-Carib

So no more sangria road trips?

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(913): driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup (868): So no more sangria road trips? http://tfl.nu/l0ze

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

This drive is very scenic

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

And I'm chugging whiskey in the back

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

As you should, soak in all this country has to offer

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(717): This drive is very scenic (717): And I'm chugging whiskey in the back (610): As you should, soak in all this country has to offer http://tfl.nu/nm28

Replies (1) Good night (423) Bad night (393)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense

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(724): I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense http://tfl.nu/8zya

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