i don't like sucking hair
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
