mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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