census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
