My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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