walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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