I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
