i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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