So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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