Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
