your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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